Progress for a decaying empire

I have no love of football. It's become a game for nasty cheats, whose icons are grossly overpaid. It is, however, a reflection of a nation's psyche. Today we are told that a Brazilian, presently managing Portugal, is to be offered the job of English national coach.

To that we have Arsenal, the only English football team left in Europe. There is not one English player in that side.

Beyond that we have a government minister saying, 'It really doesn't matter who owns the company, as long as the jobs remain in Britain.'

There's national stupidity at work. One in eight of prisoners in British goals are foreigners. We don't know how many illegal immigrants we have in the country. It is apparent to everyone except the Home Office, which is stuck in a 1970s social science timewarp, that many of them come here to exploit us and then to take the spoils elsewhere.

The port in Felixstowe, where I live, has been given authority to expand. There will be a huge new dock, with 13 new cranes. The deep water channel necessary for the new large vessels is dragging away the sand from our beach. The town is losing its one resource - it's attractive beach.

No matter, say the officials, that the port is owned by China. It will bring jobs to the area.
Nobody has bothered to look at Rotterdam, the largest port in Europe, where computers are replacing humans and the whole port is slowly becoming automated.

This is the end of Empire. We once ruled the world. Now we don't deport foreign criminals, we don't even know who is foreign, and not entitled to live here. Our industrial base has been destroyed, and we don't have anything left to replace it. Our workers are little more than slaves, except that the slave knew he would have a master, our workers can lose a job tomorrow without notice.

Yet the Deputy Prime Minister can shag his secretary. The Health Minister ruin the National Health Service. The Schools Minister seem so out of touch that she's unreal and the Culture Secretary is forced to divorce her husband to stay in her job.

We need a dictator.

I'm up for the job if the rest of you care enough to want me.